Myopic Thoughts

This day proved to be quite a downer for a lot of people, including me. It saddens me to know that most of my colleagues are contemplating on quitting medschool. Lately there has been an increasing number of students who need to undergo removals/remedials for their deficiencies in certain subjects. Though some deserve to take them, there are those who weren’t fairly dealt with in terms of grade computation. That and a plethora of ‘anomalies’ in the university we’re currently in adds up to the list of reasons why most of my classmates want to bail out.

Frankly, if I had a choice to transfer to another institution -one that can take better care of my rights as a student, I would. But having experienced what it’s like living in the real world (and coupled with the fact that I don’t have that many options), I can hardly stick to my idealistic principles. At least not totally. Because real life doesn’t really give you a perfect school with perfect teachers, perfect tuition rates, perfect policies and perfect curricula. Oftentimes it is I as an individual who need to make things work - to make the most out of a given situation.

In my mind, there is this one question that never ceases to perturb me: How can I turn things around? And the answer, as I’ve painfully encountered so many times in the past, is this:  gradually.

And probably, that is the reason why, indeed, patience is a virtue.

Kanina-kanina lang…

Kasasakay ko lang ng jeep pa-Canlubang, mula sa tulay ng Mayapa. Papauwi na kasi ako. Pagka-upung pagka-upo ko, napansin ko na may katabi akong nursing student na babae (morena, maganda), at pilit nyang niyayapos ang boyfriend nyang mukhang nursing student din. Etong si boyfriend naman (medyo balingkinitan/payat), astang nagtatampo, yun bang, kada susuyuin ng babae, inaalis ang kamay at parang galit pa. Aba, LQ ata. Hindi ko naman buhay, so di ako naki-alam. Nang malapit na kami sa tapat ng Mary Help of Christians-Mayapa Parish, bigla na lang dinuro nung boyfriend yung lalaki sa tapat ng kinauupuan nya sabay hirit ng -

"Hoy! Kanina ka pa a! Ano gusto mo?"

Taka lahat…sabay sagot naman yung dinuro:

"Ha? Inaano kita? ANO PROBLEMA MO?"

Sumagot yung boyfriend:

"E ba’t tingin ka ng tingin sa GF ko? Kanina ka pa e!"

Sabat yung girlfriend:

" ‘bi, tama na…"

Laking gulat ko ng bigla na lang nagsalita yung dinurong lalaki ng ganito:

"E g@go ka pala, pano ko di titingin e gumagawa kayo ng eksena…@#%@mo pala e! Ano gusto mo? Panapok na lang!"

At yun na…wala sigurong 2 segundo ng sumugod na yung dinurong lalaki at bumitaw ng suntok…pero naka-ilag yung boyfriend at ang tinamaan ng kamao e yung salamin sa taas lang ng bintana ng jeep. Di pa nakuntento at sumuntok pa ulit. Tinamaan na yung boyfriend sa balikat. Gumanti na ng sapak. Tinamaan naman sa dibdib yung nasa kabila.

Mas malaking gulat ko ng marinig ko na lang sarili ko sumigaw:

"HOY, WAG KAYO DITO MAG-AWAY!!! KUNG GUSTO NYO MAGPATAYAN BUMABA KAYO!!!"

Sumang-ayon naman yung ibang mga pasahero, lalo na yung mga matatandang babae. Ang lakas ng loob ko, samantalang medyo malaki yung mamang unang nanapok. Hindi pa rin sila tumigil. Nanadyak yung boyfriend na pilit namang inaawat ng girlfriend nya. Hindi ko alam pero siguro ayoko na rin matakot yung ibang pasahero -  bigla na lang ako namagitan at pinigilan ko yung boyfriend, hawak ko sa braso. Buti na lang yung mama sa kabila inawat na rin nung mga kalalakihan malapit sa kanya. Sa puntong ito, pumreno na ang driver at nagsalita na rin:

"T@r@ntado kayong dalawa, sisirain nyo pa sasakyan ko! Mawawalan ako ng pasahero sa ginagawa nyo! Bumaba na kayo bago pa ko tumawag ng pulis."

Siguro natauhan na yung boyfriend at hinila na yung girlfriend nya palabas ng jeep. Tumawid sila ng kalsada. Siguro di pa sila nakakalayo nang napansin nung isang pasahero na may naiwan sila. Sinigawan nya yung mag-syota:

"Hoy, celfone nyo, naiwan nyo!"

Binalikan nung babae yung phone at nagpasalamat dun sa nag-abot. Umandar na ulit ang jeep. Maya-maya napansin ko na hinihimas nung mamang sumuntok kanina ang kanang kamao nya.

"Brod, masakit ba? Nasugat ka ba o ano?" Tanong ko.

"De, ayos lang to. T@$#@#!$ talaga yung p$@#$ ‘yon pinagbibintangan pa ko. Mapapatay ko yun. Makita ko lang ulit yun…"

Yung lalaking katabi nya, nagbiro na lang:

"Sayang yung celfone, dapat di ko na sila tinawag. Ang dali lang ‘nun o, isang bentahan lang, 3,000 na  yun! HEheheHEhe!" Sabay tawanan yung mga nasa jeep.

"May topak din kasi yung magkasintahan na yun e. Nag-iinarte pa, alam naman na maraming tao. Buti na lang pinigilan nyo, kundi, basag mukha nun," hirit pa ng isa.

Pagdating sa kanto ng village namin, pumara na ako at bumaba. Habang naglalakad pauwi ng bahay, di ko mapigilan ngumiti. Bakit? Hindi dahil natuwa ako sa nangyari. Hindi dahil masaya ako at may nasaktan.

Naisip ko lang…

Ang tunay na buhay pala, minsan, parang pelikula din.
Aksyon na aksyon! Hahaha!

Ang tao talaga. Mahirap pintahan.

Kaya siguro minsan, okay na rin pag di ako nagdadala ng sasakyan. Iba talaga pag-namamasahe. Marami akong natututunan.

Proof of God’s goodness: I got exempted from the Pharmacology Final Exam, along with most of my intellectually-gifted buddies! I wasn’t expecting it - I hated Pharma! I was pretty sure my grades were whack - I guess the Lord thought it would make for a nice show of encouragement. Again….Emmanuel. My name. His promise. Thanks be to God!!!

Now’s a good time to be saying this: HALLELUJAH!!!

O sige, para sayo na nagsasabi ng mga sumusunod tungkol sa ‘300′, na kesyo:

1. mababaw, wala namang storya;

2. predictable ang plot;

3. bayolente, panay pugutan ng ulo;

4. puro malalaswang eksena;

5. OA;

6. Pangit ang ending; mamamatay din pala nagpakahirap pa;

7. Pang-bading lang yung pelikula, panay ka-badingan lang.

Eto sa’yo:

1.
Gusto mo ng malalim? Manood ka ng CSI sa cable, o kaya mga spy at
detective movies. Wag ‘to. Hindi naman ginawa ang 300 para mag-isip ka
ng malalim e. Pinakita lang sayo yung ibang klaseng cinematography na
para kang nanonood ng gumagalaw na graphic novel. Yung proseso kaya
nun, hindi pa ba malalim para sayo? E di ikaw na magaling.

2.
Predictable? Natural, e hango nga sa kasaysayan ng Gresya at Persya yan
e. Kahit hindi mo na i-predict; basahin mo na lang. Libong taon na
nakakaraan gawa na ang script nyan tsong.

3. Bayolente? Malamang-lamang - gera nga e. Ano gusto mo, mag-shakehands sila? Ano to EDSA? Ayaw mo ng bayolente? Easy. Manood ka ng Carebears.

4.
Malaswa? Mag-asawa kaya yun. Atsaka kasama sa plot - May posebilidad
mamatay asawa mo kinabukasan at di mo na makita, hindi mo ba gagawin
yun? Tsk, tsk. Pero pag ang mga title "Turbuhan sa Tubuhan", o "Talong"
o "Sabik" dali-dali ka sa sinehan. Na sa’yo lang malisya boy.

5. O.A.? Wag ka na lang manood ng pelikula. Ganun talaga trabaho ng mga artista. Kaya nga ‘acting’ ang tawag, di ba?

6. Kasi, siya,  may pinaglalaban. May prinsipyo. E ikaw? Awitan ka lang siguro ni Xerxes susuko ka na e. Marunong ka pa sa direktor.

7. Hmmm…projection. Hehe.

——-
Next time bago ka mag-critique ng pelikula…subukan mo muna mag-research. O kaya mag-isip.  ‘Bato-bato sa langit…ang tamaan…syempre masasaktan.’  XP

Sige subukan mo umepal.

—–
A repost from my multiply blog. Kabangisan. =P

Piliavin, et. al. introduced a concept known as diffusion of responsibility (DOR), where the idea is that people are less likely to help someone if
there are others present, because they perceive responsibility as being
shared between all present, and therefore see themselves as being less
personally responsible. This is also known as ‘bystander apathy’.

Recently, I’ve been encountering this concept to the point of discomfort and inconvenience. To put it simply, I’ve only begun to realize how lack of cohesion in a group tends to increase the probability of DOR happening; somehow more people became more dependent on other people’s efforts. There are a select few who manage to break the mold but the majority remains to be just observers from afar. It’s sad to think that a handful of you work your asses off just so you could carry the lot to the safety zone while the rest just sit there and wait for you to finish your task - as if you were their personal servant. In the end, no one even appreciates what you’ve done for them; they’re simply satisfied knowing they got through the ordeal without even lifting a finger.

I wish people played more active roles instead of merely having a reactive stance (i.e. next-door neighbor’s house caught on fire and you just say "kawawa naman" instead of dialling the fire department’s number and doing what you can to help.) Stephen Covey taught me a lot (well, no, not personally; just his books on the 7 habits) on how it is better to work your way through a problem than just commenting on what’s happening from a safe distance and letting other people deal with it. In the years before my medical education I kept instilling these values into my subordinates, always with conviction, sometimes with gentle prodding, and never with tyranny. Now that I’m back to being a student, I honestly find it hard to gather people and motivate them to do what needs to be done. Leadership in a community that sees itself as communistic would prove to be difficult if the mindset is all about an impaired sense of equality. If you stand out too much or too long you get sacked. It takes a great deal of  courage to stay true to yourself amidst an apathetic crowd.

I hope the Lord gives me (and anyone who has ever tried leading by example) enough grace to preserve my integrity as a person with values and virtues, that I may never abandon the moral principles I have embraced throughout my existence, and that I may be strong enough to actually pass them on to people in my everyday life.

One.

My mom broke the news today - she has just received an all-expense paid trip to Rome! "Appointed by Assumption College as the representative of the school to witness the canonization of Bl. Marie Eugenie in Vatican City". Wow.

Two.

My friends and I just saw 300. What a fantastic example of a movie masterpiece. It was like seeing a graphic novel come to life. Literally. Gerard Butler fit the role to a T. All the gritty details of the comic book were present. Hardcore action.  Predictable plot - yes, but hey, Anybody who has ever read on the Battle of Thermopylae would know how everything was gonna end. It’s the depiction that gives justice to this film. I liked the fact that the scenes (man, the colors - THE COLORS!!!) remained faithful to the graphic novel. Frank Miller would be proud.

Three.

I saw her. When I thought the odds were greater that I wouldn’t. I saw her. In UP Manila, right after the quizbee. She was more beautiful than ever. That smile. The way she turned around as I called out her name. Our candid shaking of hands as she approached me, finding it funny that, after all this time, I was still dumbstruck and fumbling for the right words to say. There is one word I can use to describe it: 

Magical.

Today was another good day. And no one, not even the Persian King can take it away from me.

Molon labe!

In a seminary near our place there’s this priest I look up to. To me he gives really meaningful homilies, and not just that, he takes from real life experience (his own, actually) and shows us that God indeed works in our daily lives.

His name is Fr. Philip Lasatin, SDB. I usually go to him for confession. Earlier this evening he was the celebrant, and the Gospel was about Jesus’ transfiguration. His homily focused on miracles that happen everyday and how we fail to see them due to all the distractions of the world. He told a story that went something like this:

There was a hunter who went out to shoot fowls for the first time. He found a nice spot near the lake and together with his retriever, waited for the birds to appear.

Suddenly, a huge flock flew into the sky. The hunter aimed his rifle and made his first shot. Bang! A fowl fell from the sky and landed on the lake. At this point the hunter was expecting his dog to jump into the lake, swim towards the dead fowl, retrieve it and bring it back to him, since all retrievers are trained to be good water dogs - dogs that can swim. To his surprise, his dog ran on the surface of the water! His jaw dropped, for he couldn’t believe what he just saw. Bewildered, he decided to shoot another fowl, just to be sure he wasn’t dreaming. The clever dog ran again on top of the water, taking the fowl and bringing it back to its master. This time the hunter decided he should bring somebody with him to witness what he just saw. So he ran back to his house, found a friend of his, and told the guy to come back with him to the lake. When they arrived at the spot the hunter told his friend he’s about to see something that will amaze him. He then proceeded to shoot another fowl out of the sky. Bang! A bird fell and out came the hunter’s dog, doing its miraculous run on the lake. After it has retrieved the fowl, the hunter then asked his friend what he thought of the dog. The friend, with a look of disappointment, said:

"Man, I feel sorry for you. You retriever dog doesn’t know how to swim.

I found it funny, and at the same time I saw how irrevocably true it was in our time. Often we tend to see only what is natural; we forget that there are things beyond the expected. As such we fail to appreciate the good stuff the Lord bestows upon us. We let negativity touch us, and in so doing, we fall into despair. Only when we realize that God is constantly with us, ready to make our broken lives whole again can we see with clarity the miracles that abound in our day-to-day existence.

Fr. Lasatin ended his homily with a magic trick: he showed us a long rope, proceeded to cut it into four pieces, then tied the ends to bring the rope back in one piece. He then shoved the rope into one fisted hand, and when he pulled it out, the knots disappeared, and the rope was whole again.He said that the rope represents our imperfect life, most of the time broken and wounded. We try to pick up the pieces, but even if we manage to bring them all back together, it won’t be the same again. It is only when we remember God’s love for us, and His constant presence in our lives that we begin to realize we can be whole again.

Today has been a great day for me. A day full of miracles.

I wrote this today because I’m depressed. Underrated. Typecast. Mistrusted.

Don’t Bleed

Don’t bleed my heart, don’t bleed,
Should the lovely deer just prance away,
It only means your love is freed,
It waits for yet another day

Don’t bleed my heart, don’t bleed
You’re worth more than the flowers in May,
And if that day is all you need
Then know that love is here to stay.
————-
I guess when you feel it, you feel it.