Myopic Thoughts

Hah. Unintentionally I was the only one who didn’t get Dr. Who’s triple vaccine shot. I was immunocompromised yesterday morning. I feel sorry for the rest of the class because all the things the juniors were telling us were really true! Dr. Who never gave them a second to get ready- he just stuck those damned needles into every vulnerable arm - hard…and fast!  I had to force myself to school in the afternoon though, ’cause pedia’s strict when it comes to attendance - but it seems I wasn’t the one who had the last laugh. Turns out the prof couldn’t make it so the lecture had to be rescheduled next Tuesday. Darn.

It feels good when people above you listen intently and with gusto(no, not talkin’ ’bout God - that’s a given; He always listens to me). Ray, JM and I went to the dean’s office to present some of the stuff we came up with for the exhibit, and fortunately enough, they liked it. They asked us to revise a couple of articles for easier reading, but in general they bought the idea of us lifting the image of the college and putting medical students back to where they’re supposed to be: at the forefront of the health services industry. Young as we are (I’ll kick anyone who disagrees; 26 is STILL ‘TECHNICALLY’ YOUNG!!! -talk about being defensive…gwa-har-har!) we feel as doctors-to-be that it is not right to settle for second best. That doesn’t mean we look down on fellow health care professionals (nursing, PT, medtechs, pharma…). It’s just that physicians should be given the respect they deserve. It’s not all about what will give you a better life. It’s what we can do to give others a better life. And that, in its purest, most ideal sense, is what a physician is all about. Going out of our way, out of our comfort zones, and running that ‘extra mile’. Yes, nurses, PTs, OTs, MedTechs, Pharmacists, Caregivers contribute to that purpose, but all in supporting the doctor whilst he performs his duties. It hurts me to hear people talk about how "being a nurse is better than being a doctor because nurses earn more"; or how "Nursing offers a better chance of going abroad"; or that "nowadays one should be practical and not be too idealistic about careers, so long as it would let you thrive in greener pastures. I say STOP right there. I refuse to believe that no one cares about nobility anymore, or that no one values service over reward these days. I think there are people like me who still believe that a career is more than a job, that it is a calling, a vocation that one must answer with all sincerity and willingness. As I’ve said dozens of times to those I’ve tried to help with their career decisions - if you’re being called to become a lawyer, don’t take up engineering; if you’re being called to become an artist or a musician, don’t take up actuarial mathematics. And if you’re being called to become a doctor, then by all means pursue it. Yes, it can be expensive (but hey, if you aim for a scholarship and if you really want it, this shouldn’t stop you). Yes, it is difficult. Yes, it is time-consuming. Yes, it demands a great deal of effort. Because the path towards true success doesn’t offer shortcuts. Sure we have all been given numerous talents, but there is one among all those blessings that we were meant to focus on. And our decision to take our own individual paths should not be dictated upon by how much money we are going to make out of it. In truth, It’s about fulfillment. It’s about service. It’s about moving from self-centeredness to selflessness. It’s about finding your own place under the sun.

"Honor the physician with the honor due unto him for the uses ye may have of him; for the Lord hath created him". -Ecclesiasticus 38:1

"The practice of medicine will be very much as you make it - to one a worry, a care, a perpetual annoyance; to another, a daily job and a life of much happiness and usefulness as we can well fall to the lot of man, because it is a life of self-sacrifice and countless opportunities to comfort and help the weak-hearted, and to raise up those who fall." -Sir William Osler

Preacher is signing out….zzzZzZZZZZ…

It’s Monday. And I didn’t go to class. ‘dunno where this fever came from - I was okay last night but this morning it was like somebody secretly placed blazing coals inside my head. Ayun na. Anyway, I just continued reviewing for Microbiology and Pedia. I also did the layouts for the MedWeek exhibit.

Only a week ’til Medicine Night and our band has not had enough practice yet. Talk about crunch time. We’re all juggling extra-curricular tasks with academic duties and it hasn’t been a smooth ride ever since the first shifting period. Things are starting to get heavy. ‘fer reals.

Dear God, get me through this day. And tomorrow. And the day after…

……………………………………………………………………………..

Ego - the only thing that can keep on growing even without nourishment
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Hmm… makes sense.

It’s 2:02am - and I’m probably not gonna sleep tonight. A few more hours and the two most notorious subjects of my sophomore year will gobble up not just me, but the whole of my class as we take our shifting exams for Surgery and Pharmacology. Freakin’ drugs. Surgery is a bit technical yet comprehensible, but if we’re not doing well in it, there is a plausible explanation (*ehem* -airhead secret_ries- *ehem*). Studying for Pharma IMHO is the epitome of passive learning, which my buddy Ray and I don’t appreciate. You’ve got to memorize these drug names, their MOA, CI, ADR, blah, blah, blah, which, of course is a HUGE pain in you-know-where. Vero, JoAnne, Allen - you guys probably know what I’m talkin’ about. Why the h*ll would I need to learn the receptors for Digoxin, Astemizole, or Mequitazine when these things have already been banned or replaced by newer and less toxic-drugs? OA? Me? Yes, I am, but I think anyone would react in the same manner if they were made to remember 400+ weird -sounding names including their use(s).

AAAARRGHH! I believe now is the right time to take Ergotamine… XP

Set into motion…

Once in a while, one side of me surfaces, long dormant, yet refreshingly welcome to my being. Poets neither live before or after, they are always in-between. Poets are enlightened souls.

…and my mind starts to speak:

My heart cries out to you
It longs for your love
Like a lost child seeking its mother
I want to be where you are
To have you in my arms
And just be still, not saying a word
For your soul speaks to me
In ways no other voice in this world can
Like ripples in a silent pond

Where can we be who we really are?
Where we need no shields, nor masks
Where time stands still
And fear is a meaningless word
Is there such a place
Where our song
Can be played…on and on?
Where your smile
And my laughter
Will linger, will last
For as long as there is night and day?

Though such concerns
cripple my mind
And inner demons
Eat away at my comfort
And vexes my spirit
I will not falter
I will not give in
Because now I pledge my love
Yet again
And though old wounds
Slow me down
I am not afraid, not at all
To spread out
My withered wings
And fly
As if they were never broken

For pain is a risk
I’m willing to take
If such would mean finding the courage
To bare my soul to another
And if, by the Father’s goodness
My love is acknowledged
I know, in my heart,
Ihave already won.

written on August 4, 2006, 1:55am
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Yes I am in love, but not with someone. I am in love with the idea of love, what it does, how it transforms a person into something truly beautiful. Someday perhaps, this phenomenon will manifest itself again in a person, but for now such an idea would suffice.