Myopic Thoughts

"I mean, I always feel like a freak
because I’m never able to move on like……this. You know.

People just have an affair, or even… entire relationships…

They break up and they forget.

They move on like they would
have changed a brand of Cereals!

I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with.

Because each person have…
you know, specific qualities.

You can never replace anyone.

What is lost is lost.

Each relationship, when it ends,
really damages me.

I haven’t fully recovered.

That’s why I’m very careful with
getting involved, because…

It hurts too much."

-Celine talking to Jesse, Before Sunset (2004)

Here’s the thing (how many times have I started my blog with that line?): I love movies. All kinds. Well, almost. But for as long as I can remember, I have spent most of my time watching movies alone. Oh, don’t get me wrong - I can enjoy films by myself. I don’t find it too big a deal if I laugh out loud among strangers in a moviehouse, or analyze a plot as being intricate or just a pure visual experience. It’s just that everytime I’m in a cinema or at home viewing my personal collection of pirated dvds, I kinda wonder what it would be like, what it would feel like to have a special someone beside me, laughing with me, crying with me (alright you can tease me all you want, I don’t care), just having a good time watching all those movies in each other’s company. Right now I really don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon, ’cause (brace yourself, I’m goin’ into ’self-demoralization’ mode) I’m a geek, I’ve always been a geek and will always be a geek. Damn. I did it again. It’s a vicious cycle, this insecurity thing. Will I ever be okay?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m longing for that one life-long companion. I’ve noticed that in the second half of my quarterlife that yearning has sort of increased, and it bugs me ever so often. Probably because I feel once I hit 30 I’ll never be able to find someone who would appreciate me and be willing to stay no matter what. If that kind of thing isn’t meant for a guy like me, then I just want the grace to be happy and content with living the rest of my life on my own.

"Somebody save me…"

Uhm, it’s not what you think. Today’s "carpentry day", as I volunteered to help my cousin Joel fix one of his client’s room and turn it into a business office. we hired 2 carpenters and 2 helpers to do most of the manual labor, but believe me, we still had to jump in and do our share in lifting the old furniture, attaching and detaching wires and cables, and all the other hands-on stuff to get the job done. The site was in Forbes, Makati City. We started at 8am and finished the job at around 5 in the afternoon. It was nice how everything came together. I now have greater appreciation for architectural endeavors. All in a day’s work.

Events in between:

-For the first time in 9 months(pretty much like pregnancy if you ask me) I was able to take the old, cream-colored Toyota Tamaraw (not the FX/colorum/shuttle type, the OLD one with a box-type fierra frame) out and drive it along the South Expressway. Though I had difficulty adjusting to the handling (clutch pedal’s waaay to low it hits the floor whenever I shift gears; pawis steering; occasional "wiggles" due to slightly loose steering wheel-axle-wheelbase connection; cranky transmission) I found myself smiling with nostalgia, as this was the first vehicle I ever drove (ok, ok I’m old…I’m referring to 10 years ago…sheesh.) -this is the wagon where I learned most of the basic skills in driving. Crude, grinding, humongous piece of metal on wheels. I’m surprised it even made 100kph on the highway. It felt good to bring that ‘codger’ back to life. XD

-Lunchtime: Joel, my dad and I looked for some Japanese grub and ended up eating at Yoshinoya-Park Square 1. We saw Tito Dong on our way there; apparently he and his family were staying at the Dusit Hotel from across the street. Afterwards we proceeded to purchase several blinds for the new office.

-My old man and I, after bringing some stuff back to the client’s residence, proceeded to a local diner at CERIS 3 for some chow. Total bill was 70 pesos. Talk about cheap! That’s how paid meals are supposed to be!

-Time to get some shut-eye. Again. ZZZZzzzZzz.

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On making blog entries: It looked easy when Doogie Houser was doing it on his 386DX computer (or was it a Mac? I wouldn’t know).

Oh, man…Mission Impossible III is THE ultimate. action. movie. ever.

What can I say about the film?

"……………………………………………………."

there you go. (NO, there’s no sarcasm there - I truly AM speechless.)

I’m gonna try and watch it again tomorrow, probably in Ayala Center Makati after Joel and I deliver the cabinet to Mr. Yulo’s residence. Better believe me when I say from start to finish - this flick is one long adrenaline rush.

—————-

Here we go with today’s Crowns and Frowns:

Crown: MI:III -rocks like lollapalooza!

Frown: Alvin the "cretin" from the dean’s office -friggin’ retard hasn’t done the printout for my grades; dumba$$’s too lazy to print a single page! And it’s already been a week since I submitted my letter!

Crown: Rebel Parking’s new Friendster account -finally! We can post all our original songs!

Frown: Friendster ad: "Free Instant Ordination! Yes, be a certified legal pastor, priest or religious…"  -WTF??? (pardon the vulgar expression, but I believe that ad ranks high in the blasphemous category. Taking a vocation such as the Holy Order isn’t something that can be gained overnight. It takes years to become a member of the religious.)

I’m beat. Off to schlafenland…