Myopic Thoughts

(Originally posted Wed, Jun 30, 2004)

Excruciation

Nan-nen

Nan-kagetsu

Nan-shukan

Nan-nichi

Nan-pun

Nan-jikan

Watashi-wa donogurai i-matsu ka?

…Tsukare-masu, Kono kurushimi-o motte-it-te kudasai-masen ka?

(How many years?)

(How many months?)

(How many weeks?)

(How many days?)

(How many hours?)

(How many minutes?)

(How long must I wait?)

(…I am tired, could you please take this pain away?)

I read this book a year ago, the title was "Wait", and the author was Russel Kelfer. It’s actually a poem that somehow found its way into the information superhighway, spread by anonymous individuals who were inspired to share it with their friends (and perhaps, even with strangers). It wasn’t long enough before Mr. Kelfer’s wife knew about the ‘good’ her husband’s poem was doing for people (she didn’t know it was already on the internet). A certain woman called her and told her about it, and this woman asked if she could help Mrs. Kelfer publish the poem as a hard-bound piece with artwork to accompany the lines. Initially Mrs. Kelfer declined, but something in her stirred and she eventually agreed. Thus a lot more people soon felt the soothing comfort of Mr. Kelfer’s poem (including yours truly). "Wait" is about a simple man’s conversation with God (much like Job’s story in the bible, yet this one’s more generalized). The former, seeking to find consolation in his misery, asks God questions regarding the salvation he’s looking for. He asks God why He allows him to suffer, why misfortunes happen in his life, and why his pleas for help go unanswered. God replies in a simple yet meaningful manner - He is calm in telling the man to wait, since it is in waiting that he is purified. God wants him to discover the wisdom that lies in experiencing difficulty and uncertainty -> that it is the only way for us to know Him. I believe I have more appreciation for the act of waiting, seeing what has happened to my life in the past five years. My lifestory isn’t glamorous, it isn’t even as sensational as those of famous people. What it is is a story of waiting - waiting for a second wind, waiting for importance, waiting for love, waiting for direction, waiting for meaning. I have been complaining, yes, grumbling even. My impatience is something I am not proud of. But I’ve learned that patience is not a inborn thing; it grows with experience and acceptance of things that shape us, things that become part of us. You can quote me when I say that patience is borne out of waiting. It is the experience of waiting that teaches us how to accept and appreciate God’s time, not ours. In the end, it’s always us who benefit from it. If I use my intellect alone, what I say may not seem like the truth; only my faith in God tells me this is what I shoud believe in –that every question will be answered, every mystery will be revealed, every life will see its purpose –if we follow what the Lord constantly asks of us –to wait.

I’ll be posting my old blogs here (they’re from my deviantart account). It’s kinda refreshing to look back at those entries, seeing where my life was at that time, and where it is now - all the good things that have happened, as well as the not-so-good stuff. Ciao.